Patience in affliction

Patience:

2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence

Emotion:

a. the affective aspect of consciousness

b. the state of feeling

c. a conscious mental reaction subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body

So patience, Romans 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer". 

(Affliction: something that causes pain or suffering).

God calls us to patience. When I'm hurting, I want quick fixes. I want to depend on my state of feeling (or emotions) to guide me. I ask for direction and rather than seeking answers from God by being silent, I seek them out myself. Not that emotions are all bad, but following emotions hurts others. Following emotions is selfish. So it's this whole complicated thing of when is it okay to allow yourself to feel these emotions and when is it right to let go? 

I have this weird mixture of feelings today, trying to figure everything out. But I can't. I don't really have an answer of what to do, but I do have direction from God's word about His character and His way. His way is patience. If following my feelings makes me impatient, it's not right. Anything in God's timing can and will wait.

So once again I am saying I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if something will be restored or something new will come about. And I'm not seeking answers now. I can't. It would be selfish and unfair to the people I'm around, people that have been patient already.

Forgive me for not seeking your best interest in every single moment. Forgive me because I can't explain what's been going on in this time. I feel so irrational when I try to figure things out. So I'm truly so sorry for that. 

Oh Lord, grow my heart for the people around me. Help me to act in your character, being sensitive to the feelings of others. May I put my focus on serving others and may your will be revealed to me over time. I'm sorry for trying to fix these situations because I haven't fully depended on you in these times. God, protect me from following my emotions, but allow me to understand where they can be beneficial. When I don't know where to put my feelings, take them and hold them in your hands. Direct my unsure feelings and purify them into love for you. And guide me in this love. Stabilize me. 

I trust you, oh my God, my strength, my provider, my love, my everything. 

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

Proverbs 16:9