Sunday, February 24, 2013

The "what is it"

I remember Christmas gifts in my house growing up. All Christmas morning I was so excited to open gifts because I couldn't wait to see what I got. Once I opened my presents all I wanted to do was play with my new toys. I remember one year specifically when I got this awesome Barbie house I wanted and all I wanted to do was play Barbies and make up stories and murder mysteries in my Barbie town. I'm not sure when exactly that house became so boring to me, but over time I just lost interest in that house. After awhile, I wanted a newer, bigger Barbie house to add to my Barbie town. I wanted newer cars for them to drive and new dolls to play with. That huge Barbie house just didn't feel like enough anymore..

If I think about it, the way I felt about that Barbie house is really similar to how I can feel about a lot of gifts. I'm a person who gets excited about things pretty easily. New places. Awesome. New ideas. Great. New food I just brought in from the grocery store. Super. But at some point, even if the things I have aren't rotten, things just get old. I get stuck in this place of discontent.

That's really similar to what the Israelites were facing many years ago. They were traveling and they were tired, frustrated, and hungry. God did something awesome though. He loved these people, so he made food fall out of the sky for these people. The Israelites woke up one morning, unsure of what was on the ground. They called it manna, which literally means "what is it". They ate it and it filled them up. God gave them manna everyday for them to eat. They praised God and were so thankful for this wonderful gift. At some point though, these hot and tired travelers began to complain. They weren't hungry, but they were tired of eating manna. The same manna they thanked God for was the same manna they groaned and complained about. 

How did something that was such a blessing turn into something that was so mundane? Was God mean to make it "rain" the same bread everyday rather than giving these people a huge variety of food whenever they wanted? If he loved these people why wasn't he making all kinds of food "rain" from the sky like in "Cloudy with a chance of meatballs"? 

Here's the thing about God. He is the giver and provider. He gives us exactly what we need. The Israelites weren't complaining because they were hungry. They were complaining because they wanted more. When I got bored of my Barbie house as a kid, I wasn't complaining because I didn't have toys. I was complaining because I wanted more.

Just the other day I heard a friend mine say she wanted just this "little tiny" thing from God and would never want anything again after that. Funny thing, she got it and then once she got it she had another "little tiny" thing she wanted so bad. She thought she would be so happy with one thing but rather than thanking God for it, she allowed herself to feel the discontent. And I don't think how that friend acted is much different from the Israelites and their manna or us as we view our things. 

So what do we do with this? How is it possible to be truly content? Is it wrong to ask for things? What God sees is our hearts. He is the giver. He wants us to ask Him for things, so when He does give us things He desires our praise. When we don't get what we want, He still desires our praise because in humility we recognize that He knows what is best for us. When we praise Him when we don't understand why we haven't received certain things is when He blesses us with faith. He honors us because we submit to Him that He is the giver of all gifts. When we submit that to Him, we can find contentment in Him. That contentment lasts way longer than the feeling we get when we receive gifts.

I struggle with complaining. I feel like I have a right to be heard and a right to get what I want, but that is not the truth of Christ. Sometimes I struggle with entitlement. I live in a world that tells me to fight for what I want and I will get it, but God tells me to ask Him and seek Him with all that I am and He will give me the desires of my heart. 

Today I challenge all of us to acknowledge what the manna is in our lives. Thank God for the little slivers of hope. Thank Him for the huge milestones. Thank Him for the food you have when it is bland. Thank Him when you have nothing because when you are living a life in thankfulness to The Lord, the nothing you have is wiped out by the everything God is. When you don't understand something and you just can't wrap your mind around it, simply thank God for who He is. It is in that God sees our trust in Him and stores it as treasure. 

Don't forget the power in the simple words of "thank you". My mom always made sure there was food in my belly and that I had clean clothes to wear. She spent a lot of time making sure I had the things I needed and that things were in order for me. She was providing for me. I got used to it. She was my mom. That was her role. I remember though, the days I would say thank you for dinner. I could tell she felt honored and appreciated that her hard work was recognized. I didn't have to tell her thank you but because I did she was blessed. She was recognized for the service she gave and the role she played. 

Don't forget to slow down enough to be grateful. You never know what it can mean to a person or the joy it brings to the all great giver and provider, God. 

My friend Joy had a really convicting status on Facebook the other day. She said "what if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday"

Monday, February 11, 2013

God will raise up; God will set free


My Child,

I remember the days in that quiet place. I remember watching you as you were formed. I saw your fingernails become tough and each of your little toes become defined. I knew you in this secret place as your heart began to beat. I remember those moments in those months getting to hear your precious heart. Your little mind, unable to retain much yet, was being formed. I spent this time with you. I knew you. I knew the things that would one day make that little mouth smile. I could almost hear that giggle you would one day have.

I remember the day you drew your first breath and you let out that first cry. You were cold and curious. Where was that comfortable warmth you had always known? Where was that secret place?

I remember the day you took your first steps. Ever since you were born you were ready for this moment. You were so curious. You were so ready for growth and the next thing. You yearned for new experiences. You sought them day-to-day. You asked questions. You created all kinds of inventions with your hands. You jumped and played and ran through rainstorms. You laughed. You smiled. You loved.

I remember the day your curiosity about the world halted. Your first huge disappointment with experience. You cried out. You felt shattered, broken, beaten down.

I remember the day you begged for freedom. I remember the day you decided you weren’t going to let your bad experiences dictate your life. I remember the day you asked for my help, my comfort, my warmth.

I remember the day you wrote your first song. You played that guitar until your fingers bled. You cried out in song for hours and hours. You blessed people with that song, you encouraged and impacted numerous souls. You spoke truth to people’s lives through music. You spoke to people who had hardened hearts. I remember the days when you’d thank me. You’d play your music out of thankfulness for the gifts you had.

I remember the day you experienced disappointment again. You felt abandonment. You cried out to me in song with tears; I was there. How I wished I could reach down and give you a hug myself. How I cried with you. How I felt heavy hearted for you.

I remember that day you stopped asking for my help. You told me you were afraid of the world. How I deeply wanted to show you all the people you impacted when you conquered that fear and shared with others. How I wanted to show you the gift you were giving others. But you didn’t want that.

Your heart has grown so hard. Your faith so weak. Your longings have changed from asking for help and crying in the hardships to self-sufficiency and numbness. Your voice- once so strong has become mute. I wish I could show you the people who are on your side, right there crying to me for you. I wish I could show you freedom from the fears you have facing you every day. I wish I could give you that comfort you are deeply longing for.

But you’re silent.

I know you. I know that precious heart and delicate mind that I made for you to feel with and to think with. I know that sweet sound in your voice that used to once sing out to me for restoration. I know that body that once craved for love and life that now craves its next intoxication and dose of ecstasy.

Your tears are hardened. They’re only full pain with no hope. They come from eyes that used to once look up into the world, now looking for any way out of it.

I miss you. I miss the you who used to look up in the world. I miss the moments of hearing that little tiny heartbeat. I miss the moments of seeing some of your first signs of joy: smiles and giggles and little creations you would make. I miss the you who used to sing to me. I wish I could set you free. I wish you’d ask for my love because I would give it to you in a moment.

There is healing and forgiveness in my hands and comfort by my footsteps. Why do you turn away, my child?

My love for you is so deep. It has existed for you since before those moments we shared in that secret place. I would give you everything in the world if you looked up to me with your whole heart and stayed focused on me. I would remove every transgression you have as far away from you as the East is from the West. I would go as far as I possibly can to give my love for you, but I will not force you to love me back.

I miss you my child. May you, one day, come to the end of yourself and see the extraordinary, incomprehensible, breathtaking, marvelous God who is so dear to your heart. May you one day hear my voice that can grant you wisdom in the most hard of times, with patience to allow the now’s times, when convenience is lost in the events that arise to refine you, restore you, and free you.

Your name means: “God will raise up; God will set free”. Don’t forget that promise, my child.


With deep abounding, awaiting love,
Your Heavenly Father