I promise...

I will stand by you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARbZuiHWBOY

Who is in control?

Imagine you and your husband are in the army. He is taken captive with 4 other men. You have the opportunity to save their lives and get information for the army. You have to make a sacrifice for this though. You must sleep with the leader in order for this freedom and information. You are about eighty percent sure if you make this choice that your husband and other soldiers will be spared.

Would you do it?

In Christian beliefs class the other day we talked about this concept. In the Ten Commandments, it is written that it is a sin to commit adultery. If I was the wife, I'd have to say no because my obligation to my God is stronger than my obligation to my husband or my country. Some say, what if if was God's will? God's will never leads one to sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it"

God will always provide a way out. Even if the result is something we least desire.

Some in class would disagree with this saying "But I could have saved him!" This concerns me. Who are you believing to be in control? I'd rather say "But God could have saved him!"

I've been thinking a lot about control lately too. I've been hurt a lot lately with something people are trying to control. I am doing what I feel the Lord is leading me to, but it is causing a lot of issues. These people say they are trying to do what they are doing to help me and because they love me, but I don't see them going about this in prayer. I see them trying to fix something. I know they just want to help, but I'm not seeing prayerful attitudes. Instead I'm seeing attitudes of gossip.

A lot of people would agree with me that it is wrong to gossip. They see how it's hurtful, but they also say it's okay at times, if it's in order to help someone. I know there are times to step in. I get that, but I just want to challenge you (and myself) before you gossip about someone, ask if you are telling someone as a real act of desperation for help or if it is to help you to feel better about a situation. If it really is an act of desperation, are you spending time praying and in the word before confrontation? Are you doing something about it? Or are you just trying to be heard? Are you just trying to feel better about yourself and seeking affirmation?

Proverbs 11:12-13
Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.

Chew on this with me today.

Colossians 3:1-17

 ¹ Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your^[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

 ⁵ Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶ Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.^[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸ But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹ Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. ¹¹Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

 ¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

 ¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I will find you when you seek me with all of your heart.

My dearest Anna, my daughter, my princess, my treasure,

You say you’re lost. You say your pain is heavy. You say your burden is ugly. You say your heart is broken. I’m here to say your lack of direction is admirable, your pain is light in me, your recognition of your burden is strong, your broken heart is beautiful. 

I’m here to give you my love to purify you. I’m here to give you my comfort to console you. I’m here to catch you to save you. I’m here in the name of peace, joy, and grace. In the name of the creator, the enabler, the savior. In the name of the Lord your God, in the name of the Holy Sprit, and in the name of Jesus Christ.

I’m here to hold your whole heart. I’m here to transform your whole mind. I’m here to give you whole peace. I’m here to give you whole life.

You say find me. Remember that I will find you but only if you seek me.

Matthew 6:25-34 (Fear not. For I am the one who feeds the birds.)

Love, Your Father. Your biggest support. Your God.

God is good.

Okay I just found this on my computer. It's something I wrote about a year ago and just had to put up here:

When I read Genesis 12: 3, which says, “I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you” I thought a lot about what this means to have God’s blessing. I thought about God blessing in a financial sense and as a provider, but I think it means more than that. Everything is a gift from Christ, so that we may glorify Him. This blessing is supposed to be a comfort and a reminder that what we have is not really ours, but God’s. When we hurt one another He will not be pleased, but when we give ourselves to Him, He allows us to bless others and bring joy to their lives through us. This blessing isn’t about trying to get God on “our own side” as we often do when we fight with a friend or go through a break up. God blesses us so we can bless others, rather than hurting them even when we are wronged. Genesis 5:1 talks about being made in the likeness of God. This might mean we are made looking like Him in a physical sense, but more importantly made to be “like Christ”. We seek to be like Him so we can bring His love to others, not out of bitterness or conceit to trying to get God to be against others. His blessings are perfect and as we humble ourselves to Him, we can bring His love and blessing to other people’s lives.

Furthermore, if you only view God as good when you get what you want then you’re really just viewing yourself as good. You seek to gratify your desires and when you don’t get what you want you blame God. Where is your faith? Who are you believing to be good? What does good mean anymore?

God is good. Good, which means true goodness. He is good all the time. He is not “Mother Teresa good”. He is greater. "The Lord is good, a Strength and Stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows (recognizes, has knowledge of, and understands) those who take refuge and trust in Him. Nahum 1:7 (AMP)" He is good because He made, made again, and makes new. He is a solid rock ("He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken" Psalm 62:6). He is good because He never changes. He is good because even when we think we deserve exactly what we want, He does not force us to trust Him or love Him. God is good: all the time. Even when it is beyond comprehension.

Space.

I have so many thoughts screaming through my brain that I can't even begin to express right now and I don't feel like going into detail. God knows.

I know some could look at me wondering why I am pushing away in friendships, but I just can't handle investing in most of them right now. Maybe this is selfish, but I just need space. Never have I ever felt so suffocated, broken, set apart, but I need it.

In this time of being broken, I am running. I am running straight to God. I am stretching my arms out so far ahead of me, yearning for Him, needing Him more than anything or anyone I can even imagine.

I'm sorry if you're my friend and I'm pushing you away. I'm sorry that I seem to be selfish right now, but I just need time. I need to grow with God now. Please just let go of me. For now.

I know the purpose of this blog has been to be an encouragement to friends and anyone who happens to stumble upon my ramblings, so I'm sorry this post isn't friendly. I'm sorry to be a discouragement. I promise I will write to encourage again. I just need time.

"I Will Show You Love" by Kendall Payne:

I will show you love like you've never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word
'Cause you will come alive again
Call the trying times your friend
Pain that you have suffered through
Never get the best of you
You will hope in something real
Won't depend on how you feel
When you call my name, then I will answer, answer

Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child

Walk out on the water
You have no control
Scared of every failure
Sacrifice your soul, please let that go

Cause you have climbed an uphill road
You have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights
Nearly giving up the fight
Watch your dreams like fallen stars
Heartache made you who you are
Looking back you see that I've always been there

Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child

Where you gonna hide, where you gonna hide from me?
Where you gonna go, where you gonna go that I can't see?

Cause I have heard your cry
And it breaks my heart, for I love you so
I will never lie
This is not the end
There is still a hope

Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child

He restores my soul- Psalm 23

There's something about rainbows that have always been special in my life. I remember three significant times when I saw rainbows.

The first one I saw when I was twelve. This day I spent quite a bit of time in prayer for my teenage cousin who I found out was pregnant. In this prayer, I started praying for myself, for my own protection. I prayed, "Oh God, protect me. Find me even in the days when I don't seek you". And, oh, how He protected me. Oh, how He found me on the very night my sophomore year of high school when I almost made one of the dumbest decisions of my life. He found me. I walked out of the house after this prayer and saw the most beautiful rainbow. In that moment I felt as if God was promising to me, "I will find you". He didn't let go.

The second one I saw in Colorado this summer. I felt God was giving me the promise, "I will restore you". I didn't understand what this meant at the time, but it was a promise I've clung to and seen answers to within the last couple months.

The last one I saw at the end of this summer, before some major events happened. I felt as if God was saying "Don't forget that I'm here. I'm holding you. I'm not going to let go. I am with you"

So that sortof explains the purpose of a rainbow on my blog. It's a reminder that God keeps His promises. He finds, restores, and extends constant companionship.

Sometimes God gives us direction over time. Sometimes He reveals things to us sooner. One of the many things that is amazing about our constant God is that He never lets go. He is a God of promise. He promised to restore me and He is still bringing me back to Him.

What an incredible God.

Be encouraged today that you have a constant, loving God. He keeps His promises and restores in the most unexpected but beautiful ways. 

Wake up and reconnect.

Today I just have this desire to climb into my bed and not talk to anyone for a good chunk of time. I don't feel like reaching out. I don't feel like moving. I feel like being sorry for myself. I don't want anyone to bug me and yet I crave some sort of affection. Maybe it's not bad to do nothing for awhile sometimes, but it tends to put me in this mood.

Why is it that I get stuck in this mood of disconnect? Where I actually think being disconnected with God gets me anywhere.

When I get disconnected I feel like I'm stuck in this darkness. I feel dead, without God. Thank goodness He still finds me when I pull away. Thank goodness He is outside of time and can see all my uncertainties. Thank goodness He is constant and reliable and worthy of my patience and solitude. He is worthy of the life in my eyes. He is worthy of overflowing from my spirit.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there...If I say "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you" -Psalm 139:7,11-12

Approved.

Looking around on campus today, I've been paying attention to what I can tell about a person by the way he or she dresses, or sits, or talks. It's interesting to me that I see a common theme. Most of these people seemed to be doing what they were doing due to the response he or she received from others.

We tried an experiment in my science class today. In psychology last year we were told about a study about confidence. In a classroom, students were told to pay attention and engage in class when the teacher was standing on the left side of the room but to ignore the teacher and seem distracted on the right side. The teacher showed discomfort by speaking and standing nervously when he was standing on the right side of the class. The class conditioned him to stand on the left side...A couple guys in my class were intrigued by this study, so we have been trying this in science this week, just to make the class a little more interesting. It's pretty crazy to see what the approval of people does for one's self-esteem.

I started thinking about this today. How often do we spend time throughout the day seeking to please a parent, a best friend, or even a total stranger?

Yes, having a parent, a friend, or a stranger's approval can be appropriate at times. (This is why I don't go streaking or anything. That wouldn't exactly be socially acceptable or respectful). I know there's times when it is appropriate to apologize to people for things (like when you have wronged them, or when you need to mature- which ends up being an action that actually glorifies God), but I'm done apologizing to people for being me. I'm not going to stop wearing my sock monkey cap, even if it makes me look like a little kid, because I like it. I am not going to stop writing a blog, because I sound like a rambler to someone, because I find fulfillment in using this gift God has given me. I am not going to apologize for holding more conservative views than others on things, like not taking God's name in vain, because I do this out of respect and love for Him. I do this because I don't like His name associated with negative or even degrading things.

Now, there is a warning against becoming prideful here. The world tells us to be ourselves and not apologize. The world also approves of selfishness. They advise one to seek his feelings or desires. If we acted to this extreme, we wouldn't be furthering the Kingdom of God.

God's word says:
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ". -Galations 1:10

Chew on this with me today as I think about how to use the gifts God has given me, in ways that bring glory to Him and Him alone.

Bloom where you are planted.

"Anxiety is a result when you view your future without Me" -Sarah Young

The other day I blogged about dreams. Earlier today I blogged about being driven by patience in His will rather than emotions.

Dreams aren't bad. Praying for the future isn't bad, but what is wrong is putting such a heavy focus on that to the point of forgetting about the Great Commission God calls us all to. The purpose of our lives is to, as His creation, be brought back in to harmony with our Maker (Rob Bell). As we seek restoration with Christ, we need to be completely focused on bringing Him glory rather than seeking to fulfill our own desires.

The purpose of marriage is to be a support system for your spouse, encouraging them for their roles in advancing the kingdom of God. So why put such a focus on dreams about the future? Especially if we are not picturing God in this future.

Picturing God in the future is not simply imagining going to church and serving. These things are good, but that's the danger in it. If these things are good and we picture ourselves as doing these things, we are imagining ourselves as good church goers, good parents, good spouses, and good servants. We forget, in these imaginations, who the meaning good is actually derived from. There is no good apart from God.

Furthermore, the person who obsesses over the future will obsess over the past. It's a pattern. Just look at the way the world operates. If we are so focused on our time, our past, our future, then we won't give where we are. We won't be seeking how to serve God. We will just be seeking to meet our desires.

So stop. Stop trying to figure it all out. Stop obsessing over the future and just live. Live patiently and compassionately. Live selflessly. Bloom right where you're planted, living each day surrendered to the way God wants to use you in every moment. Recognize the presence He has in every second. Relish these moments and when you lack joy cling to His promise to restore you with Him. Don't cling to His promise to bless you (which He will as you abide in Him). Cling simply to His character, His will. Be comforted in the fact that He is outside of time. The more you imagine your life in His will, the more you will let go of the anxiety of everyday.

"As the father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in His love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete" -John 15:9-11

Patience in affliction

Patience:

2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence

Emotion:

a. the affective aspect of consciousness

b. the state of feeling

c. a conscious mental reaction subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body

So patience, Romans 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer". 

(Affliction: something that causes pain or suffering).

God calls us to patience. When I'm hurting, I want quick fixes. I want to depend on my state of feeling (or emotions) to guide me. I ask for direction and rather than seeking answers from God by being silent, I seek them out myself. Not that emotions are all bad, but following emotions hurts others. Following emotions is selfish. So it's this whole complicated thing of when is it okay to allow yourself to feel these emotions and when is it right to let go? 

I have this weird mixture of feelings today, trying to figure everything out. But I can't. I don't really have an answer of what to do, but I do have direction from God's word about His character and His way. His way is patience. If following my feelings makes me impatient, it's not right. Anything in God's timing can and will wait.

So once again I am saying I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if something will be restored or something new will come about. And I'm not seeking answers now. I can't. It would be selfish and unfair to the people I'm around, people that have been patient already.

Forgive me for not seeking your best interest in every single moment. Forgive me because I can't explain what's been going on in this time. I feel so irrational when I try to figure things out. So I'm truly so sorry for that. 

Oh Lord, grow my heart for the people around me. Help me to act in your character, being sensitive to the feelings of others. May I put my focus on serving others and may your will be revealed to me over time. I'm sorry for trying to fix these situations because I haven't fully depended on you in these times. God, protect me from following my emotions, but allow me to understand where they can be beneficial. When I don't know where to put my feelings, take them and hold them in your hands. Direct my unsure feelings and purify them into love for you. And guide me in this love. Stabilize me. 

I trust you, oh my God, my strength, my provider, my love, my everything. 

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

Proverbs 16:9

Waiting....in expectation of the Lord.

A dream is:
3: Something notable for its beauty
4: a: a strongly desired goal or purpose
    b: something that fully satisfies a wish

A dream is a gift from God, a symbol of hope, a passion to drive one heart.

I have this image of you and I sitting, watching a sunrise. I see you and I riding bikes on a windy, fall evening. I see you walking with me at a carnival, holding my hand. I see you helping and doing the dishes with me. I see you supporting me as a mother. I see you running along side of me I am your treasure. I am your sweet, smart, beautiful woman. I see your patience. I see your leadership. I see you pointing me to our Creator. I see you disciplined. I see you being a good father. I see you seeking God even in hard times, not making excuses for why He hasn't found you. I see Him finding you as you are seeking Him with your whole heart.

I see your love and I don't know who you are yet, but I just want you to know I'm waiting for you, praying for you. I'm asking God to protect you, to prepare you, to love you, to know you, to grow you.

And I'm waiting in expectation of the Lord.

"The Lord is good to those who hope in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation in the Lord"
-Lamentations 3:25-26

Restored Treasure

Sin separates people. It can be from something as "small" as a "white-lie" to jealousy or lust. Its consequences, even when we use these things in order to "fix" some situation for our benefit, are never satisfying or pleasant. They might provide temporary "fixes", but a solution built off of sin or our own control will never stand.

I know this is one of the foundational concepts in Christian faith. It may sound simple, but it is so profound. Separation is devastating.

I'm overwhelmed in joy today simply because I know I don't have to live in separation from God. I am a restored treasure, separated from my sin, drawn close by my God.

In this restored closeness, he says:

"You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are" -Max Lucado

Words to Build a Life on- Mike Crawford

These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine

Blessed are the poor
Blessed are the weak
Blessed are the ones
Who can barely speak

Blessed in your hurt
Blessed in your pain
Blessed when your teardrops
Are falling down like rain

Blessed when you’re broken
Blessed when you’re blind
Blessed when you’re fragile
When you have lost your mind

Blessed when you’re desperate
Blessed when you’re scared
Blessed when you’re lonely
Blessed when you’ve failed

Blessed when you’re beat up
Blessed when you’re bruised
Blessed when you’re tore down
Blessed when you’re used

These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine

Blessed when you’re heartbroke
Blessed when you’re fired
Blessed when you’re choked up
Blessed when you’re tired

Blessed when the plans
That you so carefully laid
End up in the junkyard
With all the trash you made

Blessed when you feel like
Giving up the ghost
Blessed when your loved ones
Are the ones who hurt you most

Blessed when you lose your
Own identity
Then blessed when you find it
And it has been redeemed

Blessed when you see what
Your friends can never be
Blessed with your eyes closed
Then blessed you see Me

These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine

Blessed when you’re hungry
Blessed when you thirst
Cause that’s when you will eat of
The bread that matters most

Blessed when you’re put down
Because of me you’re dissed
Because of me you’re kicked out
They take you off their list

You know you’re on the mark
You know you’ve got it right
You are to be my salt
You are to be my light

So bring out all the flavor
In the feast of this My world
And light up all the colors
Let the banner be unfurled

Shout it from the rooftops
Let the trumpets ring
Sing your freaking lungs out
Jesus Christ is King!

Jesus is my Savior
Jesus is divine
Jesus is my answer
Jesus is my life

These are words to build a life on
These are Your words how can they be mine
These are words to build a life on
These are Your words I want them to be mine

Give us ears that we may hear them
voice that we may sing them
life that we may live them
hope that we may give them
hearts that we can feel them
eyes that we can see them
thoughts that we may think them
tongues that we may speak Your words

Empty My Hands- Tenth Avenue North

I’ve got voices in my head
And they are so strong
And I’m getting sick of this
Oh Lord, how long will I be haunted by the fear that I believe?
My hands like locks on cages of these dreams I can’t set free
But if I let these dreams die
If I lay down all my wounded pride
If I let these dreams die
Will I find, that letting go lets me come alive?


So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh, empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
With You
With You, Lord


‘Cause these voices speak instead
What’s right is wrong
And I’m giving into them
Oh please Lord, how long will I be held captive by the lies that I believe?
My heart’s in constant chaos
And it keeps me so deceived
But if I let these dreams die
If I could lay down my dark desire
‘Cause if I let these dreams die
Will I find, You brought me back to life?


So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh Lord, empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
With You


‘Cause my mind is like a building burning down
I need Your grace to keep me
Well keep me from the ground
My heart is just a prisoner of war
A slave to what it wants and to what I’m fighting for
So won’t You…


So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh, empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
With You

With You
I need You now
I need You now Lord
With You
With You
I need You now Lord


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51Qi8k9aDrg

Let go.

"Trust me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them. Relax, and refresh yourself in the Light of my everlasting Love...Don't divide your life into things you can do by yourself and things that require My help. Instead, learn to rely on me in every situation. This discipline will enable you to enjoy life more and to face each day confidently" (297). -Sarah Young.

God makes no mistakes.

You are special
You are treasured
You are loved
You are chosen
by the Almighty God of the Universe
You are wanted by Him...
or else, He as the omnipotent One, would have stopped your existence.
You have a purpose.

The other day in my Christian Beliefs class we talked about God as the One who makes no mistakes. My roommate broke down as the concept of being chosen and special because so evident to her. Her realization was beautiful and meant a lot to every one in the class.

Since that class on Thursday, I have been thinking a lot about being chosen by God and thinking about how he did not make mistakes in the people around me. I hate to admit I struggle with pride and viewing people in ways that I shouldn't. I can get frustrated of people when I shouldn't, but God is showing me a lot about His works. Getting irritated and allowing myself to act bitterly towards people is wrong because God is the creator of all existence and he makes NO mistakes.

After realizing this, may I know this in my heart. God makes no mistakes. May I take on His attitude, for he makes no mistakes and no person is less important. No person has less of a purpose.

Just something short and profound.

"Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things- with resignations, yes, but above all with blazing serene hope" -Corazon Aquino

Because of my weakness

How is it even possible to be experiencing so much joy and peace in the midst of hardship? I feel like I'm crying everyday still, but it's not this I have no hope sort of cry. It's a needy cry. It's a heartbroken I have no control sort of cry. But the joy comes by Who I'm crying to. I know I may sound weak to some, but I refuse to stuff my hurt in and just let it explode later, but I'm at the point where I can't just mindlessly cry. And that's why I have joy. I still don't like the situation, but I keep saying "God help me to accept this today". I may pray it multiple times throughout the day. He is fulfilling it. It doesn't mean I don't hurt. I just feel this incredible hope. It's a hope I can't explain. I don't know what the hope is for other than just living. It's a strength. It's an excitement. It's me looking forward to thanking God for every moment throughout the day that I can think and breathe and have food to eat and a place to sleep. It's a hope that causes me to depend completely on God. And I love it. And I just can't get over it.

And I feel as though I am bringing glory to Him because of my weakness.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". -2 Corinthians 12:9

Ultimate Good.

It's pretty crazy to think about all the good that can come from a bad situation. There's still a lot of good I can't see from this situation, but I know I've been growing a lot spiritually and just as an individual. I'm seeking to let go.

C.S. Lewis said "Love is not an affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved one's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained". I know I've failed at loving in this way because I couldn't get my mind off of ME being his ultimate good. I still think we could have been for each other, but right now I'm just focusing on ultimate good even if it doesn't involve me.

I don't know what God has in store for my ultimate good yet, but I don't want to exclude Him while I'm waiting to find out.

Psalm 13
"How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, I have overcome him, and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me."

Lord, thank you for who you are. I don't say that enough. You are peace. You are strength. You are the purest of all love. Let your spirit shine brightly through me, so others may look at me and see your spirit. May I recognize you always as the Ultimate Good, the only reason I can begin to associate myself with any good.

Service, Change, and Investments

I've been thinking a lot lately about service. As a Christ follower, I know I am called to live my life in service. I am called to invest my life in people and show Christ's attitude to them.

So why is it that so often we hear Christians talk about being comfortable? I hear it a lot in college. "I don't want to go to church here because I'm not going to live here after college anyway. My church home is way better than anything here". I don't understand this statement. As Christians we are all a part of One body, saved by One God. I understand having a home church body, but why be so close minded to the rest of the church body? Wouldn't this be a great opportunity to be unified with other believers? Isn't this the time to explore new relations?

Especially at my school, it is pretty common for one to find his spouse in college. College is the time of change, new experiences, new investments. That's the way I view church. I go to build relationships for the rest of the three years I'm here. I have no idea where I'll be after college. Kansas isn't a top priority for me, that's for sure. But where would I be three years from now if I never got out of my comfort zone and never got established in a church body?

In a chapel service recently I was challenged to invest in people. The speaker reminded me that we cannot take anything we own or anything we create in this world to heaven. Nothing. But people go to heaven. And what if we invested in people and those people were able to go to heaven? He challenged us to invest in people in the unexpected times. Serve people fully when they come to you. Seek to meet needs of those around you. Who are we to be so self-focused?

This is why I am seeing the importance of church. I know I can learn so much from the people around me and I am so excited for the three years of learning I can do just by attending a church nearby. And from there I am choosing to be involved. Why? Because God calls us to service. He doesn't say "hey you won't be there for awhile, so you're off the hook!"

So maybe I don't have all the answers. I don't know what I'll be doing a few years from now, who I'll marry, how I'll serve, or even where I'll be. Something I hope to learn is how to serve others in my every day life. The book "The Power of Serving Others" challenged me with the type of mindset I should be having to others. Humble yourself to be able to say to people: "I see you. You matter...being ignored, or unseen is a terrible disease. Feeling unworthy is another one" (72). It is my prayer that I can put this thought into action not only for the people I already have relationships with but in my everyday attitude.

One last quote from Frank E. Peretti that challenges me to grow: ""Comfort can be a dangerous thing. You stick around home all the time where it's safe and nothing ever changes, and before you know it, you get set in your ways and you quit learning, you quit changing, you don't grow anymore."

"Give the world the best you have anyway"

This excerpt the words of Kent Keith in "Anyway: The Paradoxical Commandments" hangs in one of Mother Teresa's orphanages in Calcutta:

"People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend your years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway"