I'm the character in a movie. I'm walking down the city street. My surroundings are blurred and I'm just walking. I've experienced something that I can't shake. I'm changed while all this normal goes on around me.
I've heard stories from friends before who didn't like going home because of family issues there. I've never known what it was like to have an incredibly heavy issue when I went home until recently.
I've felt this heavy disappointment and darkness. When I feel this heaviness, sometimes God seems far away, but what I have had to come to realize by the end of this week is that when we are disappointed in the world, we are really disappointed with sin, not God.
To understand the hope I have in Jesus I have to first look into what sin really is.
Sin is seeing our current situations and making some sort of justification for our behavior. Take the story of Adam and Eve. They justified their sin of eating of the forbidden fruit based on the fact that they were tricked by the devil. When we sin, we justify our actions. We can believe anything to be okay. A friend could betray another friend, telling a secret promised to be kept in confidence. A man could beat up another man because he was wronged in a financial situation. A husband or wife could cheat on his or her spouse because he or she feels there was a lack of affection from the spouse. A lonely man could drink himself sick because he feels he cannot cope in the situations life has brought him. But when we justify ourselves there is no end to what we'll do.
Take the story of Cain and Able. One brother was jealous of the other. He made a justification for his behavior that was so strong it lead to him murdering his brother.
And the thing is once we justify the "little things" like telling white lies or cheating on taxes or eating the forbidden fruit, we can justify just about anything like betraying our most loved ones or murdering someone.
That is indeed why Christ's sacrifice was so incredibly immaculate. We, humans, justified to the point of murder, so He saved us by taking all of our darkest sin upon himself to justify and purify us.
And that is where the hope is found. We can't do it on our own at all. All we do to fix our problems is to justify and justify our ways. But his love and Holy Spirit inside of us are strong enough to lead us to complete surrender and love for Him.
The hard thing is that we all have choices. I'm feeling the heaviness of a situation I have no control or choice over, but I know He is good. I don't understand why some choices have been made. I wish they weren't. I wish it didn't affect me the way it does. I wish I didn't feel as displaced as I do in going home, but that's when God reminds me of another truth: He is my home. He is my hope, my desire, my faith, my rock and cornerstone.
In my weakness and inability to do anything in this situation reminds me of His strength. I have to depend on Him and fully rely on His wisdom in every way I respond to a situation I have no control over.
And again, the heaviness I feel is the sin of the world. The inconsistencies I see are people who choose ways that are not His. God consistently loves us and consistently hates our sin. And praise Him! Because He is consistent. Praise Him because He is always, always good.
And He is good weather He heals or not.
"Even if the healing doesn't come and life falls apart and dreams are still undone, you are God. You are good forever faithful one. Even if the healing, even if the healing doesn't come" -Kutless
"The Lord is good, a strong refuge when trouble comes. He is close to those who trust in Him" Nahum 1:7
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