In the heart of Christ

I feel as if I am falling in love with God for the first time.

I'm spending a summer in about the most beautiful place. Every day I've been spending an hour on my lunch break hiking up to a new favorite spot in the mountains and just sitting in His presence. I've had this overwhelming thought for the last couple weeks as I've been looking at the mountains, thinking "God made these mountains. He made them and said they are good. I am amazed by them." And then it hit me last week. God made man and said he was very good. If I can be so incredibly amazed by the beauty of the mountains, what stops me so often from seeing how God made me?

Sin.

I spent last semester confused and stuck in the thought of what in the world does it mean to have a relationship with God? So many Christians say "it's not about religion. It's about relationship" But what in the world does that mean?

And it's been hitting me through so many things this week. Maybe it's from the time I've spent in his creation or by myself or hurting over some of my own struggles.

The book- Embracing the Love of God by James Bryan Smith is totally changing me. He said in the chapter about embracing God's forgiveness: “When I was focused on not failing, I invariably failed. I tried hard not to fall, but since falling was what I was thinking about, falling is what I did. Once I began to experience God’s forgiveness, I quit looking at sin and started looking at God”

Turn from sin and turn to CHRIST! That's what the message of the gospel is all about.

I can't for a second claim perfection. Since I became a Christian, I have been so focused on how do I make people see Christ in me? How can I change their opinions from the girl they knew before Christ? It hit me that I've never really asked HIM to show Himself through me. I'm not saying I haven't been a Christian, but I feel like I haven't really sought after knowing God- truly, truly knowing Him.

When I have an issue to work through, it's important to work on it, but I can't do it on my own. I can't spend all my time pondering how to fix it, how to have the right words, how to change a situation. All I can do is focus on the heart of Christ.

What does that mean? Just like the quote from James Bryan Smith. I can't dwell on myself. I can't focus on failing/ not failing/ how to fix a situation. God desires my surrender. He desires my complete dependence in Him. And God knows we have sin. He knows we are not perfect, but He pushes us and challenges us and yet never leaves because He is God and therefore is consistent.

Completely consistent.

I am worthy of being loved simply because I am a child of God. I'm worthy of being shown grace because He has paid the highest price to give me grace.

I've been inconsistent, but I am loved by a consistent God. I've done hurtful things, but I am forgiven by the all graceful God. I've acted in impatience, and yet I've been waited upon by the all patient God. I've sinned, and yet I am completely treasured by the all-kind God.

I want to be in His character. I want to know Him to give His character to other people, not with the intent to make people see me as a better person, but to point people to CHRIST! I want to be out-pouring of the love that only comes from God in acting in grace, being more consistent, forgiving, patient, kind.

I want to be defined- completely shaped by Him.

And if God chooses to give me Himself and nothing more, I want to be content.

I want to fall in love with Him so much that even though I would experience pain, I would be content in His heart alone.