Something I have been reflecting on a lot lately is how God uses His people. He uses our stories and our reflections of Him to impact others' lives. He uses our trials and circumstances of adversity. In 2 Corinthians 4 Paul says we are pressed on every side by our troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed but not driven to despair (verse 8).
So it is interesting to me that what God uses is our circumstances to show Himself, but in these things it is Him we should be reflecting rather than the circumstances or tribulation.
What does that mean? Have you ever had that friend who just always seems to be going through something hard? That friend always seems to be beaten down by past experiences. When he acts a certain way, he says is was because of this or that experience. When you share something difficult this person always has to "story top" you. Somehow his life or past experience is worse than yours.
When we come to Christ we are to be made new in Him. We are to be hidden in Him, reflecting His character and striving to become more and more like Him. When we seek to become more like Him, we seek to reflect His joy rather than the burdens of our circumstances.
It's easy to reflect the world when trials come up. It is easy to be anxious and become stagnate or stuck in a situation. It is easy to stay stuck in habit and ask God to take me just "as I am". It is easier to tell God that I am comfortable and would rather not experience change or inconsistency or confusion. It is easier to tell God not to invade my heart and mind with His will, but if I decide I want Him to take me just as I am then I will not be a child of God.
I originally thought of this concept of why it doesn't work for God to take me just "as I am" a couple weeks ago when I was studying the book of Colossians. I was studying this book with a Bible study group. When we study books of the Bible we ask four questions: What does this passage say about who God is? What does this passage say about who I am? What does this passage say about what is required of me? And what does this passage say about what God promises His followers? We were discussing this over one passage one night when one girl in the study group pointed out that all of the things Paul lays out in Colossians about who we are is not really anything we do. It is all things God does in us when we give ourselves to Him.
I couldn't stop thinking about that because I realized that we can't become like Christ without Christ. We can't reflect Him and His character if we haven't received Him in us. We can't become holy, blameless, consistent, or pure without Him because those are all part of His character.
So then I got to thinking that people are made to be reflectors. We all reflect something. That is why we are all influenced so easily. We can reflect our friends. We can reflect our school or our church or our political party's beliefs. We can reflect our parents. We can reflect our circumstances. Or we can reflect our God. When we reflect God is when we let go of asking for Him to accept us as we are and instead mold us and shape us and change us to be more like Him, as He is.
And just one more ramble about who He is... one of my favorite names for God- "I am". I love this name because it causes me to ask that question "who is God?" "What does His character look like?" "What is I am?" When I think about the type of person I want to be I think about being a person who is pure, full of grace, faithful, consistent, loving, nurturing, never keeping record of wrong, and standing strong in all circumstances. Those are things in the nature of Christ. That describes the "I am".
I don't want to be as I am, but as You, Lord, are. May I live my life to say "Lord I am delighted to obey you in this. I am delighted to look more like you".
Oh Lord, I don't like the person I become when I reflect my own desires. I deeply want to give and love, but struggle with loving desperately within my own "strength". I feel the need to fix everything, to feel absolute peace, and to "arrive" at some destination that feels complete. Oh Lord, I surrender this desire and this false self sufficient journey to you. I surrender to you my heart, for if I let go of everything else to follow my heart, it will lead me astray. I surrender to you the people I love that if I am to love them it would be completely with Your love and not my own.
Show me how to wait. Humble me and if I try to stand back up in my own strength, throw me down again and show me your ways again.
"I wait quietly before my God for my victory comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will never be shaken" Psalm 62:1-2
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Solidify- to make stronger
I just sat down for the first time after an insane day and have just been feeling really content. I pushed myself a lot today. Finals have begun, which means I am getting hardly any sleep and way too much coffee. Today was full of yardwork and a couple carpentry projects at work (which usually isn't my strong suit, but I've been getting used to it and actually really enjoyed it), teaching one of my grumpy kids at work how to mow, a huge presentation for school, a challenging workout, and hanging out with a couple new friends.
I'm sitting here with my retail management notes, knowing that I should be studying them for a test tomorrow, but I just got in this really reflective and thankful mood that I feel like being in instead.
I'm thinking about change. I'm thinking about things that are the same. I'm at the same school. I'm living in a place that really feels like my own now. I'm at the same church, learning more and deepening friendships and responsibilities with serving in the church. My "new" job isn't as new and I'm getting used to my role there. I'm preparing for my first overseas trip to Zambia, Africa.
I feel really calm. Something I've been realizing about myself is that I have been so used to constant change that I get uncomfortable when things stay the same. Because I always was the one to move or change things in the situation, I got used to making the decisions and sort of saw myself as being in control. So here in the past months when I have been learning about staying put or being in situations that are uncomfortable I have been learning about letting go of the control.
It's when I let go that I discover things about myself that I never would have if I had held on. I think it is when I let go that I see a lot of blessings that expectations blinded me from before.
It's a weird feeling of letting go. I'm realizing a lot about who I have been and who I want to be. I've been insecure, afraid, and maybe even controlling at times, but I'm letting go to see I am confident and worth so much because of Christ. I am at peace and am comfortable with Him being in control. I'm letting go of all the guilt I hold onto because of other people.
I'm letting go of feeling like I'm "unworthy" for God to use me. He made me exactly as He did because He saw exactly how I could show His glory.
I'm letting go of feeling like I made the wrong decision in the college I went to because everything about going to MNU has challenged me and pushed me to think about who I am going to be in life: spiritually, emotionally, professionally. I've learned so much through the amazing friends, amazing professors, and the challenging people. Looking back, yeah I could have done it differently, but God is taking care of me. He is proving a program for me to attend next year through the same university in which I don't have to take out hardly any money that I don't have. He is giving me work and some opportunities to save. And He has blessed me through some individuals who have decided to help, which just blows me away. And I've hung out a lot over the past couple weeks with friends I've made over the years and with my Zambia team and I just feel really blessed that I've had the opportunity to know them all.
Life feels so busy right now. Especially when I realize that the only time I ever have to blog is late at night. I'm just thankful, though, because life is really full.
I feel like God is just preparing me for something really special. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to go to Zambia in, let's see, just twenty-eight days! Wow! I can't wait to grow with this awesome group of girls on the trip and to gain a new perspective on how I see the world and how I see God.
I don't want to be that girl who is always "just surviving" or complaining. I want to be that girl who has contagious joy in her spirit.
On that note, I'm off to study.
I'm sitting here with my retail management notes, knowing that I should be studying them for a test tomorrow, but I just got in this really reflective and thankful mood that I feel like being in instead.
I'm thinking about change. I'm thinking about things that are the same. I'm at the same school. I'm living in a place that really feels like my own now. I'm at the same church, learning more and deepening friendships and responsibilities with serving in the church. My "new" job isn't as new and I'm getting used to my role there. I'm preparing for my first overseas trip to Zambia, Africa.
I feel really calm. Something I've been realizing about myself is that I have been so used to constant change that I get uncomfortable when things stay the same. Because I always was the one to move or change things in the situation, I got used to making the decisions and sort of saw myself as being in control. So here in the past months when I have been learning about staying put or being in situations that are uncomfortable I have been learning about letting go of the control.
It's when I let go that I discover things about myself that I never would have if I had held on. I think it is when I let go that I see a lot of blessings that expectations blinded me from before.
It's a weird feeling of letting go. I'm realizing a lot about who I have been and who I want to be. I've been insecure, afraid, and maybe even controlling at times, but I'm letting go to see I am confident and worth so much because of Christ. I am at peace and am comfortable with Him being in control. I'm letting go of all the guilt I hold onto because of other people.
I'm letting go of feeling like I'm "unworthy" for God to use me. He made me exactly as He did because He saw exactly how I could show His glory.
I'm letting go of feeling like I made the wrong decision in the college I went to because everything about going to MNU has challenged me and pushed me to think about who I am going to be in life: spiritually, emotionally, professionally. I've learned so much through the amazing friends, amazing professors, and the challenging people. Looking back, yeah I could have done it differently, but God is taking care of me. He is proving a program for me to attend next year through the same university in which I don't have to take out hardly any money that I don't have. He is giving me work and some opportunities to save. And He has blessed me through some individuals who have decided to help, which just blows me away. And I've hung out a lot over the past couple weeks with friends I've made over the years and with my Zambia team and I just feel really blessed that I've had the opportunity to know them all.
Life feels so busy right now. Especially when I realize that the only time I ever have to blog is late at night. I'm just thankful, though, because life is really full.
I feel like God is just preparing me for something really special. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to go to Zambia in, let's see, just twenty-eight days! Wow! I can't wait to grow with this awesome group of girls on the trip and to gain a new perspective on how I see the world and how I see God.
I don't want to be that girl who is always "just surviving" or complaining. I want to be that girl who has contagious joy in her spirit.
On that note, I'm off to study.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
First Love
I want to know love, real unfading love. Love that endures all things, hopes in all things, and remains true in all things, even through immense hardship.
I had a half an hour before the time I wanted to be asleep tonight and decided to watch the latest episode of The Office. I didn't expect to be in tears at the end of the episode (or to be up so late writing this post.)
I have been feeling so much disappointment and seeing so much failure lately that the episode just struck a cord with me.
(Spoiler alert)
Pam and Jim have been drifting apart in their marriage for awhile now. They started trying to work on it a little bit, but Pam says her heart is hardened. She is hurt. Jim has hurt her. Watching this, I'm just feeling really down, but then Jim leaves to go on a business trip. Pam brings him an umbrella he forgot and as she's walking away suddenly he runs up to her and wraps his arms around her. She's standing there with her arms just sort of hanging there and just when I think she might push him away is when she remembers their vows and that love endures all things. She accepts and reciprocates Jim's love. They hold each other close and kiss and have this moment where they have just let go of everything to express that love to each other.
I might have watched this part one more time (or maybe two more times) because I just loved seeing how Pam and Jim's hearts stopped being so numb. They both let go and just loved each other...
First love. That's kind of a strange thing that's really tied into today's culture. It's a concept that is in tons of movies and tv shows. A classic, for example, The Notebook. First love is really exciting because it is naive. It's really exciting because you don't have anything to compare to. You get to experience so much. When my "first love" didn't look like it would be my "last love", I remember feeling like how in the world could I love someone else the same way again? How is that going to be better than what this was at its best?
At that point in my life I really wasn't following the Lord, so "loosing" that person was like loosing a whole lifetime. Okay two and a half years, which is hardly a lifetime especially for a high school kid who has their whole life ahead of them. But so much had happened in that time, so many changes, so many experiences, so many milestones. Because that guy was such a huge part of my life, I really felt like I had lost a lot and could often disregard the things that weren't in my best interest. I was used to wanting to be with him over wanting anything. I was used to being associated with him. I was used to his "love" being my hope. But it burned out.
So why am I talking about this? Well its because so often I see people wondering what in the world they are supposed to do with these past experiences. How can one let go of comparison, being stuck in the past, or dwelling on a feeling that love will never last when it comes?
I guess a part of what has been affecting me lately, in these terms, has been seeing a marriage in my family break apart. I remember when this couple was just enamored with each other. I remember how it felt like they would never get off the phone with each other. I remember how they would always find a reason to bring up the other person in a conversation when he or she wasn't around. I remember them going to church together and talking about God together. I remember standing in their wedding party at the front of the church watching the groom's face when he first saw his beautiful bride walk down the aisle. I remember their excitement for new milestones, new holiday traditions, new discoveries of similarities in their families, and new experiences of sharing their lives together. But seven years passed and now it is over. What happened?
So I've never been married. My relating my "first love" story really can't compare to a broken marriage, so I'm speaking from what little (in comparison) I have experienced, what I have seen, and what the Word says about love and marriage. What I do know about marriage is that is is made to reflect God. Ephesians 5 outlines marriage and states that women should submit themselves to their husbands as the church does for Christ. Husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. And, just as we are members of one body (the church), a husband and a wife become one.
So marriage is intended to reflect Christ, who is the reflector of God (Colossians 2:9 "For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body") and the love that is reflected is love that never fails (Psalm 136).
I had a conversation with someone recently who told me a realization she had about the love passage in 1 Corinthians 13. I've always heard people say that we should plug our names into where the word love is in that passage because it reminds us of what we should be. This friend pointed out that we shouldn't be plugging our names into this passage first, but second to plugging God's name in. The point was that as we look at who He is first, we can see who we are to be like second.
First we look at God's love because His love is perfect and completely consistent. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). So His love never fails or ends.
Human love is second because it is made to reflect God's love. Humans fail. That's because we always have a choice to keep submitting to God's love or to turn away from it. Choosing that love doesn't mean it cancels out issues like fear, but it is an option to choose that love over fear. First over fear. It is in making those choices I can choose to trust God that when I am looking at life through His love I can let go of hurt or fear that "I can't". I can let go of past by seeking His presence and being focused on loving like Him.
All of the stores I've heard about redemption have to do with letting go and allowing God to soften hearts, but letting go is such a foreign concept.
A few years ago I had this fear that I could never love like my "first love", but as I am seeking God first He is becoming my first love.
I always had the view that a greater love for a person would outweigh the past. If I could just love this person really, really well then it would work. I pursued relationships that way in the beginning of college. I was really focused on "loving" in my own strength, fixing problems that came up myself, and putting the functions of relationships with people first. I did that rather than dwelling in Christ as the one I love first and loving like Him (rather than loving in my own definition of what I thought was good which is basically just "feelings or emotions" based).
God first means that is where my ultimate trust lies. God first means that is my source of strength before anything else. Matthew 6:21, one of my favorite verses, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also". The more my treasure is in God and my desire is for His glory and His good, the more the outpouring of my heart resembles like His love.
It is God who softens and guides our hearts. He made our hearts to love and for tenderness. When I become hard-hearted to Him is where I find myself stuck in worry.
The more I dwell in God as love, the more the desires of my heart align with trusting in Him. I'm learning how to love by studying how God loves us. I'm learning about graciousness, hopefulness, and faithfulness and how I want to reflect that as a person. I'm excited about that. My huge heart is growing and is being held and nurtured by Him. And I'm excited for what He has in store.
I had a half an hour before the time I wanted to be asleep tonight and decided to watch the latest episode of The Office. I didn't expect to be in tears at the end of the episode (or to be up so late writing this post.)
I have been feeling so much disappointment and seeing so much failure lately that the episode just struck a cord with me.
(Spoiler alert)
Pam and Jim have been drifting apart in their marriage for awhile now. They started trying to work on it a little bit, but Pam says her heart is hardened. She is hurt. Jim has hurt her. Watching this, I'm just feeling really down, but then Jim leaves to go on a business trip. Pam brings him an umbrella he forgot and as she's walking away suddenly he runs up to her and wraps his arms around her. She's standing there with her arms just sort of hanging there and just when I think she might push him away is when she remembers their vows and that love endures all things. She accepts and reciprocates Jim's love. They hold each other close and kiss and have this moment where they have just let go of everything to express that love to each other.
I might have watched this part one more time (or maybe two more times) because I just loved seeing how Pam and Jim's hearts stopped being so numb. They both let go and just loved each other...
First love. That's kind of a strange thing that's really tied into today's culture. It's a concept that is in tons of movies and tv shows. A classic, for example, The Notebook. First love is really exciting because it is naive. It's really exciting because you don't have anything to compare to. You get to experience so much. When my "first love" didn't look like it would be my "last love", I remember feeling like how in the world could I love someone else the same way again? How is that going to be better than what this was at its best?
At that point in my life I really wasn't following the Lord, so "loosing" that person was like loosing a whole lifetime. Okay two and a half years, which is hardly a lifetime especially for a high school kid who has their whole life ahead of them. But so much had happened in that time, so many changes, so many experiences, so many milestones. Because that guy was such a huge part of my life, I really felt like I had lost a lot and could often disregard the things that weren't in my best interest. I was used to wanting to be with him over wanting anything. I was used to being associated with him. I was used to his "love" being my hope. But it burned out.
So why am I talking about this? Well its because so often I see people wondering what in the world they are supposed to do with these past experiences. How can one let go of comparison, being stuck in the past, or dwelling on a feeling that love will never last when it comes?
I guess a part of what has been affecting me lately, in these terms, has been seeing a marriage in my family break apart. I remember when this couple was just enamored with each other. I remember how it felt like they would never get off the phone with each other. I remember how they would always find a reason to bring up the other person in a conversation when he or she wasn't around. I remember them going to church together and talking about God together. I remember standing in their wedding party at the front of the church watching the groom's face when he first saw his beautiful bride walk down the aisle. I remember their excitement for new milestones, new holiday traditions, new discoveries of similarities in their families, and new experiences of sharing their lives together. But seven years passed and now it is over. What happened?
So I've never been married. My relating my "first love" story really can't compare to a broken marriage, so I'm speaking from what little (in comparison) I have experienced, what I have seen, and what the Word says about love and marriage. What I do know about marriage is that is is made to reflect God. Ephesians 5 outlines marriage and states that women should submit themselves to their husbands as the church does for Christ. Husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. And, just as we are members of one body (the church), a husband and a wife become one.
So marriage is intended to reflect Christ, who is the reflector of God (Colossians 2:9 "For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body") and the love that is reflected is love that never fails (Psalm 136).
I had a conversation with someone recently who told me a realization she had about the love passage in 1 Corinthians 13. I've always heard people say that we should plug our names into where the word love is in that passage because it reminds us of what we should be. This friend pointed out that we shouldn't be plugging our names into this passage first, but second to plugging God's name in. The point was that as we look at who He is first, we can see who we are to be like second.
First we look at God's love because His love is perfect and completely consistent. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). So His love never fails or ends.
Human love is second because it is made to reflect God's love. Humans fail. That's because we always have a choice to keep submitting to God's love or to turn away from it. Choosing that love doesn't mean it cancels out issues like fear, but it is an option to choose that love over fear. First over fear. It is in making those choices I can choose to trust God that when I am looking at life through His love I can let go of hurt or fear that "I can't". I can let go of past by seeking His presence and being focused on loving like Him.
All of the stores I've heard about redemption have to do with letting go and allowing God to soften hearts, but letting go is such a foreign concept.
A few years ago I had this fear that I could never love like my "first love", but as I am seeking God first He is becoming my first love.
I always had the view that a greater love for a person would outweigh the past. If I could just love this person really, really well then it would work. I pursued relationships that way in the beginning of college. I was really focused on "loving" in my own strength, fixing problems that came up myself, and putting the functions of relationships with people first. I did that rather than dwelling in Christ as the one I love first and loving like Him (rather than loving in my own definition of what I thought was good which is basically just "feelings or emotions" based).
God first means that is where my ultimate trust lies. God first means that is my source of strength before anything else. Matthew 6:21, one of my favorite verses, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also". The more my treasure is in God and my desire is for His glory and His good, the more the outpouring of my heart resembles like His love.
It is God who softens and guides our hearts. He made our hearts to love and for tenderness. When I become hard-hearted to Him is where I find myself stuck in worry.
The more I dwell in God as love, the more the desires of my heart align with trusting in Him. I'm learning how to love by studying how God loves us. I'm learning about graciousness, hopefulness, and faithfulness and how I want to reflect that as a person. I'm excited about that. My huge heart is growing and is being held and nurtured by Him. And I'm excited for what He has in store.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
If God is sovereign...
"Imagine a woman pushing her baby around in a baby stroller. She comes up to the top of a hill and isn't watching the stroller close enough. The stroller goes rolling down the hill, picking up speed as it is going. There is a man standing at the bottom of the hill crossing the street, just in front of very heavy traffic. It wouldn't take any more than him putting his finger out to stop the stroller. But he doesn't. Do you blame him? I would..and that is why I lost my faith in God"
What came to my mind was from a prayer Paul shares with the people of Colosse in Colossians 1:9, "So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of His will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding"
As I think of that verse, I look to the context in which this book is written. The book of Colossians was originally a letter that Paul wrote to the people of Colosse (which is modern-day Turkey) was written for encouragement and instruction. Paul had heard of a tiny church that existed because of its faith. The problem, though, was that this church was struggling with being steadfast in faith and being tolerant of the worldly beliefs that existed in this time period.The book of Colossians focuses on the supremacy of God: God is above all things, all people, and all knowledge. Why? The culture focused on beliefs that come from within people. Beliefs that dwell on inward praise. "Finding the truth inside of yourself", meditation, human reason and making sense of the world. These were common topics of that day.
That doesn't sound much different than today's world. In fact just the other day I was reading about the creation of a new religion called "Chrislam" or the combining of Islam and Christianity. In this religion both the Bible and the Qur'an are held as holy texts, people mentioned are honored as prophets, and the calling out to either "Allah" or "God" is accepted. For someone to accept two completely contradictory texts as holy seems that an individual has a fight of what to believe. He can't decide so he just tolerates it all.
Creations of religions like Chrislam happen when people look to their own knowledge to understand or explain God. In fact, the story I shared about the woman and the baby in the carriage relates to this too. When I look at this story with the knowledge I have of the world, I blame the man for not saving the baby too. I am bothered that he didn't save the baby too, but he isn't the original issue. The original issue (also compared to the concept of original sin) is that the woman wasn't watching her baby close enough. And sometimes the will of God cannot be explained. Not with human reason.
Why trust the will of God when it doesn't make sense to us? Because God is sovereign.
Sovereignty, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary is:
1. obsolete: supreme excellence or an example of it
2. a: supreme power especially over a body politic
b: freedom from external control
c: controlling influence
Sovereignty is supreme power and the controlling influence.
In Biblical tearms, sovereignty of God means that "all things are under God's rule and control, and that nothing happens without his direction or permission. God works not just some things but all things according to the counsel of His own will...The sovereignty of God is not merely that God has the power and right to govern all things, but that He does so, always without exception. In other words, God is not merely sovereign de jure (in principle), but sovereign de facto (in practice)". (A.W. Pink)
God owes nothing to us. He owes nothing to the woman who was not watching her child close enough. I don't have an answer in my own knowledge to why it would be in God's will to not reach out a finger to save this baby's life. I have no answer as to why God could allow "bad things to happen to good people", but I have faith that God sees the bigger picture that I do not.
And if God sees that bigger picture that I do not then clearly I can't find any kind of god within myself, as was a common belief in the time Paul wrote his letter to Colossians and is still a common belief today. If I found a god within myself, it should be completely holy, without ignorance or fault. I shouldn't have to "discover" it. It should just be and my mind should be able to completely understand it. But it doesn't. My mind searches for truth. My mind yearns to fulfill the void that is present if I deny that God is truth and that God is just. Every part of me yearns to be a part of something greater than myself. If this desire drives me, then how could goodness come from inside of me?
If god existed within ourselves then how come solitary confinement is one of the worst punishments? Because we have a void on our own. Just think, in tragedy why is it that people turn to prayer or turn to God for help? It is in tragedy that people feel their weakness and they know they can not look within themselves.
My mom would always tell me that when she struggled with faith she would say "Lord I believe, but help my disbelief". In the same sense, I have to pray for spiritual understanding. I have to ask for help. I have to ask God to show me the unity of His heart when I don't understand the bad things happening around me.
If God is sovereign, then I need help understanding Him. The person who told me the baby carriage story really despises this line. He says "then your faith makes no sense. If you look at any religion, faith comes in to play when human wisdom falls short. And faith believes some of the most ridiculous of things". The only thing I can say to that is it just depends what your faith is in. Every single person has faith in something. It could be in material things (which will not last). It could be in yourself (who falls short and decays). Or it can be in truth.
When I lived in intercity Chicago, my youth pastor Tony always put it this way. "You can have this great faith and stand on little ice. Or you can have little faith on much ice. What matters is not your human reason or confidence. What matters is the object of your faith"
Why do I believe God's sovereignty is truth and the instrument through which I see God as my whole self? Because His Word is infallible. Give me one other set of 60 books, written over a thousand years, by numerous authors, that is as consistent and alive as the Bible.
I believe in this truth because the truth in the Bible is relatively simple. Christian standards are basic. (Don't steal, Don't lie, Love your neighbors as yourself) It is the carrying out of these truths that takes commitment and dedication. I believe in these truth and commit myself to them because I believe God is sovereign. As C.S. Lewis once said:
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
What came to my mind was from a prayer Paul shares with the people of Colosse in Colossians 1:9, "So we have not stopped praying for you since we first heard about you. We ask God to give you complete knowledge of His will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding"
As I think of that verse, I look to the context in which this book is written. The book of Colossians was originally a letter that Paul wrote to the people of Colosse (which is modern-day Turkey) was written for encouragement and instruction. Paul had heard of a tiny church that existed because of its faith. The problem, though, was that this church was struggling with being steadfast in faith and being tolerant of the worldly beliefs that existed in this time period.The book of Colossians focuses on the supremacy of God: God is above all things, all people, and all knowledge. Why? The culture focused on beliefs that come from within people. Beliefs that dwell on inward praise. "Finding the truth inside of yourself", meditation, human reason and making sense of the world. These were common topics of that day.
That doesn't sound much different than today's world. In fact just the other day I was reading about the creation of a new religion called "Chrislam" or the combining of Islam and Christianity. In this religion both the Bible and the Qur'an are held as holy texts, people mentioned are honored as prophets, and the calling out to either "Allah" or "God" is accepted. For someone to accept two completely contradictory texts as holy seems that an individual has a fight of what to believe. He can't decide so he just tolerates it all.
Creations of religions like Chrislam happen when people look to their own knowledge to understand or explain God. In fact, the story I shared about the woman and the baby in the carriage relates to this too. When I look at this story with the knowledge I have of the world, I blame the man for not saving the baby too. I am bothered that he didn't save the baby too, but he isn't the original issue. The original issue (also compared to the concept of original sin) is that the woman wasn't watching her baby close enough. And sometimes the will of God cannot be explained. Not with human reason.
Why trust the will of God when it doesn't make sense to us? Because God is sovereign.
Sovereignty, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary is:
1. obsolete: supreme excellence or an example of it
2. a: supreme power especially over a body politic
b: freedom from external control
c: controlling influence
Sovereignty is supreme power and the controlling influence.
In Biblical tearms, sovereignty of God means that "all things are under God's rule and control, and that nothing happens without his direction or permission. God works not just some things but all things according to the counsel of His own will...The sovereignty of God is not merely that God has the power and right to govern all things, but that He does so, always without exception. In other words, God is not merely sovereign de jure (in principle), but sovereign de facto (in practice)". (A.W. Pink)
God owes nothing to us. He owes nothing to the woman who was not watching her child close enough. I don't have an answer in my own knowledge to why it would be in God's will to not reach out a finger to save this baby's life. I have no answer as to why God could allow "bad things to happen to good people", but I have faith that God sees the bigger picture that I do not.
And if God sees that bigger picture that I do not then clearly I can't find any kind of god within myself, as was a common belief in the time Paul wrote his letter to Colossians and is still a common belief today. If I found a god within myself, it should be completely holy, without ignorance or fault. I shouldn't have to "discover" it. It should just be and my mind should be able to completely understand it. But it doesn't. My mind searches for truth. My mind yearns to fulfill the void that is present if I deny that God is truth and that God is just. Every part of me yearns to be a part of something greater than myself. If this desire drives me, then how could goodness come from inside of me?
If god existed within ourselves then how come solitary confinement is one of the worst punishments? Because we have a void on our own. Just think, in tragedy why is it that people turn to prayer or turn to God for help? It is in tragedy that people feel their weakness and they know they can not look within themselves.
My mom would always tell me that when she struggled with faith she would say "Lord I believe, but help my disbelief". In the same sense, I have to pray for spiritual understanding. I have to ask for help. I have to ask God to show me the unity of His heart when I don't understand the bad things happening around me.
If God is sovereign, then I need help understanding Him. The person who told me the baby carriage story really despises this line. He says "then your faith makes no sense. If you look at any religion, faith comes in to play when human wisdom falls short. And faith believes some of the most ridiculous of things". The only thing I can say to that is it just depends what your faith is in. Every single person has faith in something. It could be in material things (which will not last). It could be in yourself (who falls short and decays). Or it can be in truth.
When I lived in intercity Chicago, my youth pastor Tony always put it this way. "You can have this great faith and stand on little ice. Or you can have little faith on much ice. What matters is not your human reason or confidence. What matters is the object of your faith"
"You can put this another way by saying that while in other sciences the instruments you use are things external to yourself (things like microscopes and telescopes), the instrument through which you see God is your whole self. And if a man's self is not kept clean and bright, his glimpse of God will be blurred — like the Moon seen through a dirty telescope. That is why horrible nations have horrible religions: they have been looking at God through a dirty lens." (C.S. Lewis)
Why do I believe God's sovereignty is truth and the instrument through which I see God as my whole self? Because His Word is infallible. Give me one other set of 60 books, written over a thousand years, by numerous authors, that is as consistent and alive as the Bible.
I believe in this truth because the truth in the Bible is relatively simple. Christian standards are basic. (Don't steal, Don't lie, Love your neighbors as yourself) It is the carrying out of these truths that takes commitment and dedication. I believe in these truth and commit myself to them because I believe God is sovereign. As C.S. Lewis once said:
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Unveiling the bigger picture
The speaker at my Bible study shared a pretty powerful story this week. She has been interviewing for a job at a really important company in Kansas City. She went through an intensive interview process and had made it so far that she was one of the final two candidates. Then she got the call that she did not get the job. She was incredibly disappointed. In the meanwhile, a coworker and good friend at her current job has had a really rough last few years. Her family has faced illness, job loss, and huge financial difficulties. She approached her coworker, the speaker, yesterday and told her that she had just accepted a new job, which just happens to be the job the speaker had been interviewing for. She said "I was blown away. If I had only known who my competition had been. I would have gladly given her the job opportunity. All I can do now is stand back and praise God who sees the bigger picture always"
Reminds me of a picture I saw on facebook the other day:
Then I think of a beautiful story found in the book of Ruth. Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi experienced many difficulties in their lives that felt unexplainable. Ruth experienced inability to give birth, death of her husband and father-in-law, and challenges of being a widowed woman along with her mother-in-law Naomi in a day when women weren't as free as they are today. These women were seen as a burden to their society, both financially and socially. But they both had a desire to serve the Lord and honor Him in a time that people lived in demoralizing, perverse, and non-God-honoring ways. When Ruth's husband died, there was nothing Naomi could give for Ruth. Both of these women were of the most lowly. Naomi decided to return to her home country and Ruth insisted on going with her declaring "Wherever you go, I'll go. Wherever you'll live, I'll live. Your people will be my people and your God my God".
After ten years of tragedy and hardship these women were saved by their kinsman-redeemer Boaz. Boaz, a relative of Naomi, took on Ruth as his wife. He took her as her wife, redeeming both Ruth and Naomi from their despair. He took on their burdens and the responsibility of supporting these women and the Lord blessed them. Ruth, who had been barren years ago, was blessed greatly with sons, the greatest honor of all.
What I have just realized in reading this story is that at the end of this book of the Bible, the lens is taken off of Ruth, Boaz, and Naomi and pointed at the big picture. Ruth made a decision to stay with Naomi and the Lord blessed not only Ruth with Boaz, Ruth with sons, and Naomi with grandsons, but a whole nation with hope. At the end of the chapter is a whole lot of names that I usually don't even read, but I have realized the lineage was written here for a reason. First off, Boaz is the son of Rahab (which is incredible in itself how an amazing man of the Lord came from this line) Then Ruth gave birth to Obed who gave birth to a son, who gave birth to a son...who gave birth to David- King David (who led an entire nation)...and the family line can be followed on to Jesus Christ, our true and wonderful kinsman redeemer.
That's the big picture. a family line who had great faith in a time of horrible moral conduct making the way for Jesus Christ- our kinsman redeemer. How wonderful is that big picture? Jesus Christ, who took on all the burdens and painted the most gracious big picture by his blood, the picture of the cross.
Why does God ask us to approach each day with a grateful heart? Why does He ask us to lead, to serve, to encourage, to focus on being selfless rather than selfish? Because He is taking care of us and as we trust Him, He is working on the bigger picture. He, Jesus Christ, is our able and willing kinsman redeemer who has always been in the work of redeeming His people to Him. Are you stuck in fear or hurt? Do you find yourself trying to manipulate blessings into your life because you know what you want and the timing you think you want it? Sometimes we want to look down on ourselves, others, or our situations, but be encouraged today that you have a God who is beside you! He is constant. He always has been, is today, and will be forever at our sides ready to redeem. When we dwell on our fears of failure or despair in our own situations, we yield to fear and loose sight of blessings for the sake of our selfishness. A grateful heart is one that praises God for His faithful heart. He knows where He is taking us because He knows us. And He knows all of us. When we don't get what we want, remember the unity of God's heart, that it isn't about just us-me, you. This is why He calls us to receiving His grace and in turn giving of His grace. Because His lineage, His plan, His mighty work is done through YOU.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Solidify
A few months ago I picked a word to define 2013. I picked my
word to define where I thought God was going to lead and to remind me of how
the Lord is working in my life.
I picked the word solidify. I picked it kind of on a whim.
Last year, there was a lot of restoration the Lord did in me and I desired that
his truth would become of more importance to me and be a deeper part of my
everyday life.
It’s interesting to look back over the past few months how
the Lord has been working on solidifying me.
I’m in a different spot than I imagined I would be in right
now but I’m doing fine. I’m learning. I’m growing. And I’m pretty okay in the
midst of everything.
I’ve prayed for myself to have faith for a long time because
I’ve always struggled with not being able to see God tangibly. I might have
some tangible struggles right now, but I’m not struggling with faith.
Tonight I was in my multicultural behavior class listening
to a lady talk about Sekhism. I didn’t even know what that was until tonight. I
thought it was a form of Islam or something. It is a religion that focuses on
equality for all people. It is called the “universal religion”. The point is to
live life performing good deeds and meditating to discover the god within
yourself. You have to attain goodness so you can reincarnate into a new being
and continue to be good throughout your future lives. The speaker talked about
wanting peace in the world and happiness, but she seemed so lifeless and
lonely. She talked about being unattached from the world to be good.
My friend who sits next to me was passing notes to me the
entire time noticing how lonely she felt. We both pointed out inconsistencies
in her religion and how odd it was that she would choose to follow a religion
that was created in the 1600s and believe it to be true as the “universal
religion”.
In one of his notes he wrote “she is so lifeless. She
devotes herself to meditation on “the god within her”, but she seems lifeless
and detached from any relationship”.
I wrote back “that’s because there is none. John 14:6 says
“I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except
through me” She seems lifeless because she is without the most important piece-
Jesus Christ”
Then there was our professor who just kept affirming this
woman in her beliefs. (the same professor who a week ago at the Hindu temple
told a Hindu man that Christians are pushy, rude, and annoying, I might add,
even though she is a Christian herself). She was so tolerant and it was just
bothering me. I mean yes we had a speaker in our class so it was important to
show her respect, but respect doesn’t mean being tolerant and affirming her
religion.
I guess I point this out because so often in that class we
discuss weather it is fair for all people to be held to the same standard. It
is always presented this way “If there is a woman who is a devout muslim (or
some devout follower of some other religion) and loves god in the way she knows
him will she go to heaven? What if she has never heard of Christianity? Will
God forgive her and let her go to heaven? How can God be so loving if he doesn’t
forgive that?” The debates go back and forth. It hit me tonight more than ever
before. Jesus is the only way, the only truth, and the only life. Period.
On Sunday my Pastor gave an illustration that I love so
much. Imagine that you are about to hike a beautiful mountain (of course he had
my attention with this because if you’ve followed my blog at all you know I
love mountains more than just about anything). Anyways, you are getting ready
to hike this mountain, but it is a difficult mountain to hike. In fact, it is
so difficult that you have a special mountain ranger coming to meet you to show
you the way. This mountain ranger knows that there is only one way to get to
the summit. He knows that people following him might think there is a better
way or an easier way to get to the top, but all these other ways are really not
other ways at all. In fact they all are dangerous and only lead to death. This
mountain ranger takes you up to the summit showing you the only way to get to
the summit. If you stray away from the right path, it is just not tolerated.
This is the loving thing because all the other paths lead to death. The mountain ranger is doing the loving thing in showing you the way.
That is exactly what is meant by Jesus being the only way,
the only truth, and the only life. My role is to live in full faith by this. I
will not be tolerant. I will love and respect, but I will not be tolerant
because I do not serve a tolerant God. I serve a loving God. I have complete
faith in that. I don’t need something tangible to show me that because He is
solidifying His truth in me, which is important because if Jesus Christ is the only way, only truth, and only life than I need to be not only solidified in this truth but also sharing and spreading this truth.
Friday, April 5, 2013
I stand.
Today at work my boss and I were talking about people who do daredevil things. He was telling me that there are two types of people. There are people like him and people like me. He is one of those people who generally thinks daredevil acts are pretty crazy. He thinks some of them are cool. In fact, one time he watched a guy go up to the high-dive and do a backflip. He decided to try it. Right when he was about to jump off he thought to himself "I'm going to be that guy that hurts himself. If 1% of people get injured doing this, I will be that 1%" Right as he had thought, he jumped off with little confidence in his action. His lack of confidence is actually what injured him. In the middle of his backflip, his fear made him decide to stop turning. He landed on his back and injured it pretty severely.
Then you have the daredevils. They do risky things because they believe they will be in the percentage of people who will not get injured. I skydived last summer knowing that some people don't make it. But I jumped with full confidence. There's a percentage of people that get hurt doing this? Well that percentage won't be me. I was focused on completing the jump and doing everything I had been instructed to do. I was going to jump in faith and it was going to be one of the most awesome experiences of my life.
I guess maybe that's how I live. I've never exactly felt comfortable in life so maybe that's why I've taken risks. It's strange because as weak as I feel at times, I am so insanely confident that my strength doesn't come from within myself. I am confident, even when I have the most pathetic of break downs, that the Lord is my rock and my cornerstone.
Maybe I'm just incredibly strange for the things I do. Like at work the other day, one of my kids who has autism was throwing a temper tantrum because she was mad about an every day task she needed to complete. She was stubborn and didn't want to do it and I was stubborn in the fact that she was going to do it weather she wanted to or not. I won that battle and I even have a battle scar from it: a massive bite on my leg. Yep, she bit my leg. But I won that battle.
That's kind of how life feels to me right now. Ok Lord, what strange thing are you going to throw at me next?
The cool thing in saying that is this surrender to God that I've never taken part in before. My whole life I have idolized this concept of "home". I always idolized this point in life that I would feel safe and feel like I had a place and a purpose. Who would have thought my place and purpose would be established when I feel the least comfortable?
I've always wanted comfort that I've never really feel I've had. (Just pointing out that I said comfort, not blessings. I've been incredibly blessed through people places and things, but not comfort). I've always wanted things to stay consistent for awhile. When things broke down or got uncomfortable, I left. Simple as that.
Until I met someone a year and a half-ish ago who challenged me in ways I don't know if he'll ever know. When I met him, I felt safe. I felt this comfort. I felt him care for me in ways that I know God cares for me. And it terrified me. I didn't know what to do with it. I ran away. Over a year and a half, he still reached out to me. He still read (and still probably reads) my blog and has been basically my number one supporter and encourager. I still can never forget him reaching out to me in a time when I felt so incredibly unworthy of God's love. I was running from the things God was calling me to because I was afraid. I felt like I was too much of a mess. I can't remember what he said, but he affirmed in me that I was not too messy for God to use me, even though he didn't have any idea what I was going through at the time.
That sure stuck with me. If this guy who I respected and still respect probably more than any guy I've ever met could believe I was not too messy for God to love me then why didn't I?
That was sort of the beginning of being challenged out of my comfort zone to see where the Lord has been calling me. A lot has changed since I let this guy in my life in a deeper way. An unexpected way. And an uncomfortable way even. But I'm so thankful for him, because his love and belief in me, I believe, came directly from God. I'm currently working the job I'm supposed to. I'm living exactly where I should be. I'm serving in the church I am called to be a part of.
The crazy thing is that I've been living in discomfort for a long time, but now is the first time I'm asking God to show me why and where to go from here. I'm called here in the middle of one of the most boring placed I've ever lived (no offense to my Kansas-readers). But I'm exactly where I should be. For now.
Even when life is uncomfortable. Even when I face death of someone incredibly close to me. Even when I experience cancer in my home first-hand. Even in uncertainties of my own body that could turn out to be pretty detrimental. Even in this, I will stand firm.
I stand firm because I am one hundred percent confident in the Lord who will provide. In the Lord who will redeem. In the Lord who will restore.
So here I am diving head first into who knows what. I know one thing though, I will survive. If not in this life, I know in the next. I have full confidence in that.
1 Peter 5:1-11
Then you have the daredevils. They do risky things because they believe they will be in the percentage of people who will not get injured. I skydived last summer knowing that some people don't make it. But I jumped with full confidence. There's a percentage of people that get hurt doing this? Well that percentage won't be me. I was focused on completing the jump and doing everything I had been instructed to do. I was going to jump in faith and it was going to be one of the most awesome experiences of my life.
I guess maybe that's how I live. I've never exactly felt comfortable in life so maybe that's why I've taken risks. It's strange because as weak as I feel at times, I am so insanely confident that my strength doesn't come from within myself. I am confident, even when I have the most pathetic of break downs, that the Lord is my rock and my cornerstone.
Maybe I'm just incredibly strange for the things I do. Like at work the other day, one of my kids who has autism was throwing a temper tantrum because she was mad about an every day task she needed to complete. She was stubborn and didn't want to do it and I was stubborn in the fact that she was going to do it weather she wanted to or not. I won that battle and I even have a battle scar from it: a massive bite on my leg. Yep, she bit my leg. But I won that battle.
That's kind of how life feels to me right now. Ok Lord, what strange thing are you going to throw at me next?
The cool thing in saying that is this surrender to God that I've never taken part in before. My whole life I have idolized this concept of "home". I always idolized this point in life that I would feel safe and feel like I had a place and a purpose. Who would have thought my place and purpose would be established when I feel the least comfortable?
I've always wanted comfort that I've never really feel I've had. (Just pointing out that I said comfort, not blessings. I've been incredibly blessed through people places and things, but not comfort). I've always wanted things to stay consistent for awhile. When things broke down or got uncomfortable, I left. Simple as that.
Until I met someone a year and a half-ish ago who challenged me in ways I don't know if he'll ever know. When I met him, I felt safe. I felt this comfort. I felt him care for me in ways that I know God cares for me. And it terrified me. I didn't know what to do with it. I ran away. Over a year and a half, he still reached out to me. He still read (and still probably reads) my blog and has been basically my number one supporter and encourager. I still can never forget him reaching out to me in a time when I felt so incredibly unworthy of God's love. I was running from the things God was calling me to because I was afraid. I felt like I was too much of a mess. I can't remember what he said, but he affirmed in me that I was not too messy for God to use me, even though he didn't have any idea what I was going through at the time.
That sure stuck with me. If this guy who I respected and still respect probably more than any guy I've ever met could believe I was not too messy for God to love me then why didn't I?
That was sort of the beginning of being challenged out of my comfort zone to see where the Lord has been calling me. A lot has changed since I let this guy in my life in a deeper way. An unexpected way. And an uncomfortable way even. But I'm so thankful for him, because his love and belief in me, I believe, came directly from God. I'm currently working the job I'm supposed to. I'm living exactly where I should be. I'm serving in the church I am called to be a part of.
The crazy thing is that I've been living in discomfort for a long time, but now is the first time I'm asking God to show me why and where to go from here. I'm called here in the middle of one of the most boring placed I've ever lived (no offense to my Kansas-readers). But I'm exactly where I should be. For now.
Even when life is uncomfortable. Even when I face death of someone incredibly close to me. Even when I experience cancer in my home first-hand. Even in uncertainties of my own body that could turn out to be pretty detrimental. Even in this, I will stand firm.
I stand firm because I am one hundred percent confident in the Lord who will provide. In the Lord who will redeem. In the Lord who will restore.
So here I am diving head first into who knows what. I know one thing though, I will survive. If not in this life, I know in the next. I have full confidence in that.
1 Peter 5:1-11
And now, a word to you who are elders in the churches. I, too, am an elder and a witness to the sufferings of Christ. And I, too, will share in his glory when he is revealed to the whole world. As a fellow elder, I appeal to you: 2 Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. 3 Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example. 4 And when the Great Shepherd appears, you will receive a crown of never-ending glory and honor.
5 In the same way, you younger men must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, serve each other in humility, for
6 So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
8 Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 9 Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters[b] all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.
10 In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 11 All power to him forever! Amen.
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