Audience of One.

Awaken

There’s an image you have of me

It’s just what you’ve gathered

Of what I want you to see

The manner in which I deviate

The depth in which I allow you to wonder into my intricate sin

The screaming arm raising surrender in corporate worship

And my exaggeration of my servitude façade

The authenticity

I twist it for my advantage or search of condolence

In the audience I try to make full of millions

It’s always millions

Plus one

Even in composing these gripping thoughts

I question my incentive

As one is examining the motivations of my heart

This façade even if close to home

It disappoints, it destroys, it nullifies

This imagined falsified audience of one

It’s thwarted by incomparable, constant, perfect one

The image you have of me

And the image I lust for you to have of me

Burn it, smolder it

I surrender

I cannot attain it

He had no reputation

I build one accidently, sinfully, fully, purposefully

It’s impossible to strive for perfection

Without a possible suffice able one

Desperately in need of help

Let go of your opinion of me

Positive, negative

Sway

Crash, fall

Surmise

Away spectators

Wake up

Watch me, walk beside me

Audience of one, companion 

Motivated by Love?

Who are you living for? Yourself? A close friend, spouse, or relative? God?

If you answered God or want to answer God, read along with me as I write these words:

1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Is love motivating your actions? Is it reigning in your thoughts?

This is a check for me too. I've been getting aggravated lately with a lot of people because I've realized how much conversation has not been directed at pleasing God. It has been centered around speaking poorly of others (others that He calls by name and loves dearly). I'm trying to get this temptation to gossip out of my life and the more I do it, the more I can't stand to be around it. The more I can't stand to be around it, the more I notice these girls can't stand to be around me.

Here's what I want to say to that:

Why do you criticize me, looking for me to fix your life for you? Why do you get disappointed in me when I don't act exactly as you tell me to? Stop seeking me to solve your problems. Seek after Him.

You can choose to be disappointed. You can choose to talk behind my back, but what is motivating you?

Your actions make me sad not because you are hurting me, but because He calls us to live in such real life.

Something I wrote last summer:

Someone pointed out to me that I said the word "like" all the time. I started trying to fix that. I really tried to stop saying "he was like...and then she was like..." and I replaced it with saying "he said...and then she said..." That really bothered me too. Then I realized why: I was gossiping. Maybe I started using the word "like" to make myself realize it less, but now it stings... May I instead focus on the words the Lord my God says. May His words be quick to my lips, rather than me hiding behind my gossiping hideousness that always hides deeper intricate vocabulary. May I seek to better know and understand how deep, how wide, and how vast my God's love is for all the people I have gossiped about. May my "like" for people grow to love.

Many women get into this lifestyle of gossip because they desire having close connection with other women. They desire expressing their opinions and feeling a sense of control about situations they have crazy feelings but no actual control over. Women (and men) seek to gossip for some sort of personal gain (being heard, expressing feelings, pride, etc).

May His words be quick to my lips. May His gain be quick to my heart...

Philippians 3:7-8

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ

So this being driven by love thing...I don't have it all figured out. I'm only asking for wisdom, laying down anything that may be to my profit and seeking what would please God in order to gain Christ.

From the words of 1 Corinthians 13, remember that what may seem to be a profit is nothing without love, that is the Love that comes from Jesus Christ. 

First let us lay down our lives in order to gain Christ. It is through that, that we may gain His love. It is through gaining His love that we may show His love. In showing His love, may our lives be fruitful of our Love, Jesus Christ.

So once again I ask, who are you living for? 

How are you going to show it?

Bible meditation

Bible meditation- Slow, careful reading of selective Bible passages.

How do we do this?

Pick out the keywords of a verse.
Take these words and look for how you can relate them to Jesus Christ's character.

Take Micah 6:8, the verse I included in my previous post today:

Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly
With your God

Justice-reasonable fairness. Read John 8:1-11. In this story an adulterous woman is about to be stoned for her sins. In verse 7, Jesus says "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her" . This story shows Jesus as just because He is the judge. He shows His power and judges individuals for their own sin, saying they cannot judge others when they themselves are sinners.
Mercy-grace upon grace, forgiveness. This same passage in John 8 shows the mercy of God. He forgives this woman and tells her to live free of her sin.
Humility-A modest or low view of one's importance. Read Matthew 20:20-28. In this story two sons of Zebedee ask to sit on each side of Jesus in heaven.Jesus tells them to serve rather than seeking to be served. Verse 28 reads "the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

How can we implement these concepts in our lives today? How can our lives look more like the life of Jesus Christ?

We were made to be courageous.

Okay new favorite movie, hands down, Courageous. This movie made me laugh, cry, and just tugged at my heart so much.

This movie was such a call to action to be authentic people of God. This movie captured the lives of five fathers and their families. One of the fathers came up with a covenant for the men to sign about what it means to be an earthly father. These men all signed this covenant as a promise to their families and God to teach their children about God and love them as the Father has loved us. After they signed this covenant, their pastor told them they were double accountable.

It got me to thinking about my covenant with God and what our (Christian's) responsibility is with God once we give our lives to Him. Since becoming a Christian, I have still had problems. I have still experienced hurt, doubt, brokenness, but my responsibility as a believer is to be seeking Him. I am twice as accountable because I know the truth and I have walked with my Father.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkM-gDcmJeM

Seek justice. Love mercy. Walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8

Make me courageous, God. May I honor you by being your follower. May I continue to seek you.

Fall

I was walking with my friend Becks today when I just said STOP and I made us just smell the fall air! I just wanted to soak it all in as I saw all the different shades of yellow, red, and orange leaves hanging off trees and just resting over the grass. I love this scene of leaves scattered everywhere, highlighting the beautiful brick buildings and large stretches of grass across the campus mall.


I love fall. And I love it for more than just the beautiful scenery. Fall is this time of change.


Change is something many people talk about with fear. Change brings about discomfort. In fact, this change of leaves falling brings about a discomfort in recognizing that it will be time soon for shoveling snow and bundling up for the blistering cold that will be coming.


Something else I love about fall is the wind. Sometimes the wind is pretty strong and makes me wish I had put on another sweatshirt, but I love it because it's this physical reminder that God is there. I can't see Him, but I see the effects of Him all around me. Sometimes He hollers right through the brisk air, but sometimes He is quiet. In these times that change happens because of the wind, He reminds me of His beauty because He orchestrates all of these changes and all of the life around me.


I am thankful today because I have a God who is alive! I have a God who is in control! I have a God who thought up of new seasons and allows the world to go right on going on because He is holding it in His hands.

I surrender.

"Surrender means I accept reality"- John Ortberg

I surrender today to the fact that I am not God. I surrender the gifts He has given me in order to say thank you that the people in my life are not my god. I surrender in order to say He created all things.

I accept the reality that I am not God. I accept the reality that this life is not about bringing myself glory. I accept the reality of just how undeserving I am of an incredible God that loves me immensely and covers me in grace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg3-1PvWuMk

Hungry- Joy Williams:
Hungry, I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry

Chorus:
So I wait for You
So I wait for You

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart 
Is living for

Broken, I run to You 
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary but I know
Your touch restores my life

Chorus

I'm falling on my knees
Offering all of me
Jesus, You're all this heart 
Is living for

Hungry, I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty but I know
Your love does not run dry

Just keep walking, even if that means taking baby steps.

This is from the daily devotional book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.
Be encouraged by the God who loves you and supports you every step of the way, even in your smallest steps.

"Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart's desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don't let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself as I see you. First of all, I am delighted by your deep desire to walk closely with Me through your life. I am pleased each time you initiate communication with Me. In addition, I notice the progress you have made since you first resolved to live in My Presence.
When you realize that your mind has wandered away from Me, don't be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you. Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with Me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days"

Hebrews 4:14-16
 ¹⁴ Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven,^[a] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. ¹⁵ For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. ¹⁶ Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.