Who is in control?

Imagine you and your husband are in the army. He is taken captive with 4 other men. You have the opportunity to save their lives and get information for the army. You have to make a sacrifice for this though. You must sleep with the leader in order for this freedom and information. You are about eighty percent sure if you make this choice that your husband and other soldiers will be spared.

Would you do it?

In Christian beliefs class the other day we talked about this concept. In the Ten Commandments, it is written that it is a sin to commit adultery. If I was the wife, I'd have to say no because my obligation to my God is stronger than my obligation to my husband or my country. Some say, what if if was God's will? God's will never leads one to sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it"

God will always provide a way out. Even if the result is something we least desire.

Some in class would disagree with this saying "But I could have saved him!" This concerns me. Who are you believing to be in control? I'd rather say "But God could have saved him!"

I've been thinking a lot about control lately too. I've been hurt a lot lately with something people are trying to control. I am doing what I feel the Lord is leading me to, but it is causing a lot of issues. These people say they are trying to do what they are doing to help me and because they love me, but I don't see them going about this in prayer. I see them trying to fix something. I know they just want to help, but I'm not seeing prayerful attitudes. Instead I'm seeing attitudes of gossip.

A lot of people would agree with me that it is wrong to gossip. They see how it's hurtful, but they also say it's okay at times, if it's in order to help someone. I know there are times to step in. I get that, but I just want to challenge you (and myself) before you gossip about someone, ask if you are telling someone as a real act of desperation for help or if it is to help you to feel better about a situation. If it really is an act of desperation, are you spending time praying and in the word before confrontation? Are you doing something about it? Or are you just trying to be heard? Are you just trying to feel better about yourself and seeking affirmation?

Proverbs 11:12-13
Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.

Chew on this with me today.

Colossians 3:1-17

 ¹ Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your^[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

 ⁵ Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶ Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.^[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸ But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹ Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. ¹¹Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

 ¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

 ¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

I will find you when you seek me with all of your heart.

My dearest Anna, my daughter, my princess, my treasure,

You say you’re lost. You say your pain is heavy. You say your burden is ugly. You say your heart is broken. I’m here to say your lack of direction is admirable, your pain is light in me, your recognition of your burden is strong, your broken heart is beautiful. 

I’m here to give you my love to purify you. I’m here to give you my comfort to console you. I’m here to catch you to save you. I’m here in the name of peace, joy, and grace. In the name of the creator, the enabler, the savior. In the name of the Lord your God, in the name of the Holy Sprit, and in the name of Jesus Christ.

I’m here to hold your whole heart. I’m here to transform your whole mind. I’m here to give you whole peace. I’m here to give you whole life.

You say find me. Remember that I will find you but only if you seek me.

Matthew 6:25-34 (Fear not. For I am the one who feeds the birds.)

Love, Your Father. Your biggest support. Your God.

God is good.

Okay I just found this on my computer. It's something I wrote about a year ago and just had to put up here:

When I read Genesis 12: 3, which says, “I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you” I thought a lot about what this means to have God’s blessing. I thought about God blessing in a financial sense and as a provider, but I think it means more than that. Everything is a gift from Christ, so that we may glorify Him. This blessing is supposed to be a comfort and a reminder that what we have is not really ours, but God’s. When we hurt one another He will not be pleased, but when we give ourselves to Him, He allows us to bless others and bring joy to their lives through us. This blessing isn’t about trying to get God on “our own side” as we often do when we fight with a friend or go through a break up. God blesses us so we can bless others, rather than hurting them even when we are wronged. Genesis 5:1 talks about being made in the likeness of God. This might mean we are made looking like Him in a physical sense, but more importantly made to be “like Christ”. We seek to be like Him so we can bring His love to others, not out of bitterness or conceit to trying to get God to be against others. His blessings are perfect and as we humble ourselves to Him, we can bring His love and blessing to other people’s lives.

Furthermore, if you only view God as good when you get what you want then you’re really just viewing yourself as good. You seek to gratify your desires and when you don’t get what you want you blame God. Where is your faith? Who are you believing to be good? What does good mean anymore?

God is good. Good, which means true goodness. He is good all the time. He is not “Mother Teresa good”. He is greater. "The Lord is good, a Strength and Stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows (recognizes, has knowledge of, and understands) those who take refuge and trust in Him. Nahum 1:7 (AMP)" He is good because He made, made again, and makes new. He is a solid rock ("He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken" Psalm 62:6). He is good because He never changes. He is good because even when we think we deserve exactly what we want, He does not force us to trust Him or love Him. God is good: all the time. Even when it is beyond comprehension.

Space.

I have so many thoughts screaming through my brain that I can't even begin to express right now and I don't feel like going into detail. God knows.

I know some could look at me wondering why I am pushing away in friendships, but I just can't handle investing in most of them right now. Maybe this is selfish, but I just need space. Never have I ever felt so suffocated, broken, set apart, but I need it.

In this time of being broken, I am running. I am running straight to God. I am stretching my arms out so far ahead of me, yearning for Him, needing Him more than anything or anyone I can even imagine.

I'm sorry if you're my friend and I'm pushing you away. I'm sorry that I seem to be selfish right now, but I just need time. I need to grow with God now. Please just let go of me. For now.

I know the purpose of this blog has been to be an encouragement to friends and anyone who happens to stumble upon my ramblings, so I'm sorry this post isn't friendly. I'm sorry to be a discouragement. I promise I will write to encourage again. I just need time.

"I Will Show You Love" by Kendall Payne:

I will show you love like you've never loved before
I will go the distance and back for more if you just say the word
'Cause you will come alive again
Call the trying times your friend
Pain that you have suffered through
Never get the best of you
You will hope in something real
Won't depend on how you feel
When you call my name, then I will answer, answer

Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child

Walk out on the water
You have no control
Scared of every failure
Sacrifice your soul, please let that go

Cause you have climbed an uphill road
You have worn a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights
Nearly giving up the fight
Watch your dreams like fallen stars
Heartache made you who you are
Looking back you see that I've always been there

Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child

Where you gonna hide, where you gonna hide from me?
Where you gonna go, where you gonna go that I can't see?

Cause I have heard your cry
And it breaks my heart, for I love you so
I will never lie
This is not the end
There is still a hope

Cause I am on your side
Though the wind and waves
Beat against your faith
You were on my mind
When the world was made
Trust in me my child,
Trust in me my child

He restores my soul- Psalm 23

There's something about rainbows that have always been special in my life. I remember three significant times when I saw rainbows.

The first one I saw when I was twelve. This day I spent quite a bit of time in prayer for my teenage cousin who I found out was pregnant. In this prayer, I started praying for myself, for my own protection. I prayed, "Oh God, protect me. Find me even in the days when I don't seek you". And, oh, how He protected me. Oh, how He found me on the very night my sophomore year of high school when I almost made one of the dumbest decisions of my life. He found me. I walked out of the house after this prayer and saw the most beautiful rainbow. In that moment I felt as if God was promising to me, "I will find you". He didn't let go.

The second one I saw in Colorado this summer. I felt God was giving me the promise, "I will restore you". I didn't understand what this meant at the time, but it was a promise I've clung to and seen answers to within the last couple months.

The last one I saw at the end of this summer, before some major events happened. I felt as if God was saying "Don't forget that I'm here. I'm holding you. I'm not going to let go. I am with you"

So that sortof explains the purpose of a rainbow on my blog. It's a reminder that God keeps His promises. He finds, restores, and extends constant companionship.

Sometimes God gives us direction over time. Sometimes He reveals things to us sooner. One of the many things that is amazing about our constant God is that He never lets go. He is a God of promise. He promised to restore me and He is still bringing me back to Him.

What an incredible God.

Be encouraged today that you have a constant, loving God. He keeps His promises and restores in the most unexpected but beautiful ways. 

Wake up and reconnect.

Today I just have this desire to climb into my bed and not talk to anyone for a good chunk of time. I don't feel like reaching out. I don't feel like moving. I feel like being sorry for myself. I don't want anyone to bug me and yet I crave some sort of affection. Maybe it's not bad to do nothing for awhile sometimes, but it tends to put me in this mood.

Why is it that I get stuck in this mood of disconnect? Where I actually think being disconnected with God gets me anywhere.

When I get disconnected I feel like I'm stuck in this darkness. I feel dead, without God. Thank goodness He still finds me when I pull away. Thank goodness He is outside of time and can see all my uncertainties. Thank goodness He is constant and reliable and worthy of my patience and solitude. He is worthy of the life in my eyes. He is worthy of overflowing from my spirit.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there...If I say "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you" -Psalm 139:7,11-12